*arinialexandria*

i was browsing through buzznet and myspace and suddenly i was overwhelmed by a huge desire to be pretty.really.i wanna feel the feeling of being pretty,people all around you complimenting.sure,i've had people say i'm pretty but then again,i will always suspect them of sweet talking or blind.i will wonder real hard what are their definition of pretty.i will concede i'm not hideous,but i still want to be pretty.i want to be petite,have fair skin.and whenever people tell me i am petite and i am fair for someone my race.to me,i'm way below my standard.i know i know,it's just my pathetic mind trying to set ridiculous standards.people tell me to stop browsing through these 'pretty' profiles because who knows some of them may be fake and it will only do further damage to my already low self esteem.but i cant.it's like i want to continue observing these people and try to get their secret to being pretty.that's how crazy i am.and i've been searching for beauty sites and health sites to gain tips.weird as it sounds,i do want to become anorexic and bulimic.but i tried.i cant be anorexic because well i don't want my parents to get hurt.bulimia is much more hidden as you can secretly go to the toilet and puke.

and being a movie retard as i am,now i am a youtube retard officially.i only started surfing youtube seriously today.usually i go there just to find videos and get the hell out of there.but today,i took six hours to painstakingly look for videosand came across so many talented people.how i wish i 'm talented.and one of the gems i found was pretty hilarious.a video of the used and my chemical romance's cover performance of under pressure.mikey was playing the tambourine!taht was the thingthat was hilarious.i found this pic of gerard way in black hair.really,he look way way better with black hair.

i wonder why the heck i have an immense fear of talking to the guy that i really like on msn.i mean,when i see his green man icon light up,i will be grinning like a stupid idiot and stare at his name.and i will refuse to log off until he logs off.even when i'm darnn sleepy..the puzzles of the heart.

i have many art pieces undone and all
 of them have to be submitted by monday.gahh-